Day 1

All I can do is write what I remember. 
How I remember it. 
I don't care if you don't believe me. 
I don't care that you think I'm making it up. 
I'm not. 
I remember this. 
I've always remembered this. 
I didn't wake up one day & these memories just suddenly appeared. 
I've always remembered this happening. 
I don't want to. 
I wish to G-d it never happened but it did.

If you've been through this I'm warning you now.  This may trigger you.

It was August, 1978.  My parents were in Europe on a much-needed, overdue vacation.  My grandparents were just going about their business doing what they normally did.  My uncle told them we (as in he & I) were going out & would be back later.  Nobody suspected he would hurt me the way he did.  I certainly didn't. 

In the car he told me I was going to the doctor's office. 
I asked why since I wasn't sick & felt fine. 
He said I needed to have a procedure done...like an operation but I'd be asleep for it. 
He explained it was to make my vagina bigger so I could have babies one day. 
I didn't know I couldn't say no. 
I didn't know nobody else knew this was happening. 
All I knew was that he was an adult & I had to listen to him & respect him. 
So I trusted he knew what he was doing.

He drove me to this place made to look like a doctor's office. 
We were asked to come into a small room where I was told to take off all my clothes including my underwear & change into a patient's gown. 
I was helped onto a table which was then wheeled into the operating room. 
There were other men there...four altogether, including my uncle. 
They were dressed in doctor's gowns & masks.  Except my uncle.  He was still wearing the clothes he wore earlier. 
I was asked if the procedure was explained to me.  I said yes.  I was nervous & scared. 
I was given anesthetic. 
I was told to recite the alphabet backwards. 
I was so nervous I just babbled nonsense until I blacked out.
I had no reason to suspect they weren't doctors. 
When I woke up, a couple of hours had passed. 
I was told the procedure went wonderfully. 
I was sore. 
I was tired. 
I was confused. 
I wanted to throw up. 
I didn't want to be near my uncle anymore. 
I sensed something had changed my relationship with him forever. 
I sensed something had changed me forever. 
I just wanted to go home. 

I was 7-years-old.